Planning the Wedding
Your interfaith ceremony can be as unique as the two of you!
by Jewish Gentile Couples I May 30, 2025
It’s true—a cross-cultural wedding may not be as simple to plan as an event where both partners come from the same background. When one of you is Jewish and the other is not, that means there are unique cultural and religious challenges.
From our experience, there are landmines when a couple plans their cross-cultural wedding. But you can navigate those challenges! It is possible to create a ceremony that is spiritually significant and personal for the two of you.
The fact that your challenges are unique means that you and your partner can address them uniquely. You can curate a ceremony that speaks to both of your traditions and values. We’ve known Jewish-Gentile couples who’ve eloped quickly at a little chapel, but we’ve also heard stories of weddings where culture and tradition were thoughtfully incorporated into the ceremony in ways that honored both.
Here are stories of three Jewish-Gentile couples who not only planned meaningful ceremonies, but were able to deepen their relationships through the planning process.
Mark and Simone Grismore
Simone grew up in a family of Jewish believers in Jesus. So, she’d grown accustomed to being both.
Though she and Mark already shared the same faith when they met, Simone’s Jewish cultural symbols were all new to Mark and his side of the family. He wanted not only to accept but to understand the meanings behind her traditions so that he could support each decision 100%.
Pre-wedding conversations: They decided to have Simone’s brother-in-law, who is a minister, perform the ceremony. He is also from an intermarried family—so he would understand some of the unique challenges they would face.
Add to all that the challenge of planning a wedding during Covid! The boathouse they’d dreamed of couldn’t hold enough people. Mark’s parents’ backyard ended up being the perfect location. Simone found that getting married outside (rather than at a religious venue) simplified things and gave them the freedom to plan an intercultural ceremony.
What their ceremony looked like: They did lean on Jewish tradition—after much discussion! Simone explained it this way:
Imagine trying to plan a Jewish wedding with your partner for whom everything is new. And I’d never anticipated that. So, everything was a discussion. Everything that I wanted to incorporate into the wedding needed to be reasoned … There wasn’t much that we both knew we wanted ahead of time. In fact, I can’t even think of anything that we agreed on right from the start in planning our ceremony.
One unique challenge: Mark grew up in a predominantly Christian area. He jokingly admits that before meeting Simone, his understanding of Jewish people came from pop culture portrayals of Hanukkah and Fiddler on the Roof.
About the wedding, Mark says,
We had to pick out a ketubah [1], and I had no idea what that was or why it was so special. Literally anything in the ceremony that was not in English or from the Bible was all brand new … So, we needed to construct the chuppah [2]. And I’m like, “What’s a chuppah? Why do we need these?” Every aspect was like training wheels for me. I was asking a lot about, “What’s it for?” and, “Why are we doing that?”
How they’ve shared tradition: Mark wanted to honor Simone’s connection to her Jewish roots, but more than that, he wanted to share that connection with her.
Mark’s interest in learning about the meanings behind Simone’s Jewish symbols is more common than you might think. Very often, a Gentile Christian partner is interested in all things Jewish because they know their faith is grounded in the Old Testament. In that sense, a Gentile partner can actually be an ally when it comes to incorporating Jewish tradition into the home!
Their story: Celebrating Jewish Identity
Aden and Cara Friedman
Aden and Cara are both from South Africa. They’re both creators, innovators and thoughtful planners. But at the time of their meeting, it seemed like their similarities stopped there.
Aden came from an ultra-Orthodox Jewish background. But he’d begun to question that life around the time he met Cara. One of the scariest things he ever had to do was tell his family that he was interested in a girl—and she wasn’t Jewish!
Cara grew up in a Christian home, so her family was equally surprised when she introduced them to Aden.
They had some unique challenges in planning their wedding, but they managed to hold on faithfully to what mattered most and plan a ceremony that honored being “both.”
Pre-wedding conversations: One of the things Cara loved the most about Aden when she met him was how he could go on talking about the Old Testament for hours! And eventually, they did come to a place of shared faith. So naturally, Scripture and tradition would be part of their ceremony.
Cara describes it this way:
Aden really felt that God and Yeshua (Jesus) needed to be honored in that ceremony because he felt like that was the reason that we had been joined together. There were many reasons for Aden himself that he wanted the word Jesus used. He wanted a pastor to marry us. So, he felt very strong in that conviction himself.
What their ceremony looked like: Aden was certain that, as a Jewish man, he wanted Jewish symbols at his wedding. He also knew that, because of his and Cara’s shared faith, Christian elements should be instrumental in their ceremony.
So, they planned a blending of traditions that honored Aden’s heritage, the Bible, and their mutual faith in Yeshua. Picture a wedding with a chuppah, a pastor, the breaking of the glass, and communion—that was Aden and Cara’s ceremony!
One unique challenge:
Pleasing both sides of the family proved to be impossible. Aden says,
What my parents thought I would do is, they thought I would have a completely non-religious wedding—in a sense that it wouldn’t be Christian. It wouldn’t be Jewish. It would be just some person standing there to sign a piece of paper. In my mind, I wanted it to reflect who I was, which was a Jewish man who believed that Jesus is the Messiah … It was like, this is who we are. This is who I am. And I thought it would be very nice for Cara’s family to see that Christian element at our wedding, and really nice for my parents to see the Jewish element at our wedding.
But the family wasn’t ready to see it that way. Aden and Cara were both disappointed when his parents did not attend the wedding. But a reconciliation that no one expected came about later.
Sharing tradition: Today, the Friedmans cook meals from both of their cultures (Aden even created a cookbook showcasing recipes written by Jewish families from around the world). Together and with their friends, Aden and Cara host Shabbat dinners for Jewish-Gentile couples like them.
Their story: They Just Knew
Susan and Christian Wilder
Susan is a Jewish girl from Jersey. Christian is from the West Coast, and he’s a professor of theology and Old Testament.
When they met, it seemed like everything on the outer layers of their culture was completely the opposite. But upon sitting and talking together, they found common ground. Susan remembers how their first conversation lasted for hours.
Pre-wedding conversations: Susan says,
Once Christian and I started officially dating, we got engaged three months later and then got married three months after that … I was fascinated that he didn’t talk to his mother about it like every day or once a week. Where with me, if I didn’t call my mom, she’d think I’m off dead in a ditch somewhere.
I was close with my parents. Calling every day was just something we did. It was just our ordinary practice. When Christian and I were planning our wedding, a lot of issues came up with my parents. Christian noticed how upset I got. And he would tell me, “This is your wedding, and there’s something called boundaries.” I wasn’t used to saying no to my parents.
One unique challenge: Susan says, “People at the seminary were glad to help. But they didn’t understand why my family wouldn’t attend if we used the campus chapel, even if it was available for free. Golden Gate Seminary naturally had a big cross in their chapel.” So they went on a hunt for a special place to get married that didn’t have any religious symbols.
What their ceremony looked like: They ended up getting married in a chapel that had stained-glass depictions of Old Testament stories. A rabbi was also using this Christian chapel for his Friday night services. As they were all leaving their rehearsal dinner, the rabbi came in, and everyone got to meet him. Susan was grateful for this moment because it showed her family members how much she and Christian cared about them.
Christian and Susan wrote their own service, incorporating their values as believers in Jesus with a love for Jewish tradition. Their professor chanted the Aaronic benediction in Hebrew. Susan’s father’s tallit was wrapped around both their shoulders as they said their vows.
Sharing tradition:
They still have long and lively conversations! Christian jokes that Susan likes to interrupt him by coming into his home office with questions about the Old and New Testaments.
Their story: Opposites Attract
More Than a Ceremony
Your wedding is a statement that says, “This is who we are.” And the way you plan it says something about the two of you. So ask each other: What’s the key message that we agree on for our wedding?
And as you seek ways to honor both of your traditions, you might find that there are things you didn’t realize you had in common! Here’s a question to start that creative process: What’s the most important wedding tradition or element that each of you wants to incorporate?
To help you further, we’ve created a free guide. And we are here if you’d like a personalized coach to talk to!
Endnotes
A Jewish wedding contract.
A wedding canopy used in Jewish ceremonies.