I Was Raised Christian: Should I Convert for My Jewish Partner?

Mar 30

by Tuvya Zaretsky I January 16, 2026

“I am dating someone who is Jewish, and we are talking about getting married. I had a Christian upbringing. My partner is asking me to convert to Judaism and wants to raise our future children to be Jewish. I am open to this but wanting to learn more.”

— Caite in Texas*

We get emails like Caite’s all the time. People often tell me, “When we talk about the future, it gets awkward—especially when we discuss religion, our families’ expectations, and raising children.” Sound familiar? Maybe you’ve been surprised or even confused to discover that your partner’s expectations for the future are different from yours. You might find yourself wondering, Would my converting to Judaism help us resolve these issues?

The fact that you are considering it says so much about you. You obviously love your partner and want the relationship to grow and last. You are willing to explore whatever it might take to make it work, and that’s not easy. We assume you are reading this article because you are looking for resources and points of view about converting to Judaism. We suggest you begin by asking yourself two essential questions:

What is my current religious or spiritual identity?

Why do I want to convert to Judaism?

We believe that understanding where you are now is a vital first step when considering a new direction. So, let’s get started!

What Is My Current Religious or Spiritual Identity?

We all have a deeply felt sense of identity that reminds us of who we are, gives our lives meaning and value, and makes us feel at home in our own skin. Since this identity goes beyond our physical makeup, it is rooted in some kind of spiritual belief. What does that look like for you?

What are your core beliefs, your non-negotiables?

For some, being raised in a Christian home simply means family get-togethers for Christmas and Easter, and maybe an occasional visit to church for special events. But for many, it involves (or once involved) deeply held beliefs about Jesus. Take time to reflect on what your Christian upbringing means to you. If it’s not important to you now, might it possibly become more important in the future? Seeds of faith planted in childhood sometimes spring to life unexpectedly years later.

Whether you never accepted Christian beliefs for yourself, or once believed but are now doubting, this could be a good time to explore those beliefs before setting them aside as secondary or irrelevant to the relationship with the man or woman you love.

Ask yourself, Does my core identity include a relationship with Jesus? Would you feel “at home” with the idea that you would no longer openly identify with Jesus, celebrate him, pray in his name in front of your spouse, or share your faith in him with your loved ones, including your children? Because while your Jewish partner may not ask you to renounce Jesus, converting to Judaism probably would. (Learn more about steps to converting to Judaism here.)

Allow yourself time to reflect on your answers to these questions. If you’ve been having heated conversations with your partner when discussing each other’s beliefs, don’t rush past that friction. Pause to ask yourself, Why are we upset? What is causing us to feel misunderstood? You can’t answer for your partner, but you can always ask God, “Show me what is beneath these feelings I’m having.”

Finally, if your boyfriend or girlfriend hasn’t asked you to convert, don’t assume that he or she would want you to. Is it possible that the awkwardness between you could be coming from a different place? Perhaps your partner is concerned that you will expect them to change.

Now that you’ve taken the time to understand where you are now, it’s time to explore your reasons for considering converting to Judaism.

Why Do You Want to Convert to Judaism?

When someone begins the process of conversion to Judaism, one of the first questions the rabbi will wisely ask is, “Why do you want to convert?” We suggest you begin answering that question for yourself right now. Here are the most common answers:

I want to better understand what it means to be Jewish.

The desire to understand the culture of someone you love is beautiful. Just be careful not to load potentially unrealistic expectations onto it. Some people hope their interest in Judaism will lead their Jewish partner to be similarly interested in exploring faith in Jesus—and that’s not always realistic.

That’s not to discourage you from learning about what it means to be Jewish. As Jewish believers in Jesus, we love that you want to know more! There are many ways that you can demonstrate your sincere appreciation of Jewish heritage, values, and beliefs without replacing your own.

I love God and I know that Jewish people are special to Him.

Maybe you wonder, “Would my converting to the Jewish faith please God or bring me closer to Him?” I’ve learned that the book of Ruth can provide some answers to that question.

Ruth was a non-Jew who had faith in the God of Israel. She was a Moabitess who loved the one true God and was given a place of honor in His plans. She never went through a formal conversion ceremony to any religion, nor does the Bible ever call her “Jewish.” Ruth’s faith was the thing that positioned her to become the great-grandmother of King David—she’s even named in the lineage of Jesus!

The Jewish Bible points to the promise of a Messiah. If you already believe in the Jewish Messiah, how would conversion to Judaism complete your faith? Like Ruth, by faith you are already part of God’s forever family.

I want to simplify plans for raising our children.

It’s true that good parenting includes agreement between Mom and Dad on what to teach the children about God. As a minister, I’ve seen couples approach that in different ways. In some cases, parents start with the common ground in what they believe, and as the children get older, they explain the differences. In other cases, one parent defers to the other’s beliefs. But if only one partner gets to teach the children, it doesn’t exactly simplify things.

At some point, your children will mature and decide for themselves what they do and don’t believe. It’s not necessary, and may be hurtful, for them to grow up hearing only one parent’s strongly held convictions.

As long as there is mutual respect between Mom and Dad, being “both” around your children need not be confusing. It might help you to know that Jewish people have various ideas about what it means to raise Jewish children. There is far more to being Jewish than not believing in Jesus!

You can raise your children to celebrate Jewish holidays, care about certain Jewish causes, and participate in community without having to convert or be silent about your own faith. If that is not enough to satisfy your potential husband or wife, it would be good to discuss why.

I want my partner’s Jewish family and friends to accept me.

All of us want to feel secure and accepted for who we are. That’s why I suggested that you begin this process by clarifying your own religious or spiritual identity—what your Christian upbringing means to you and what your non-negotiables are. If Jesus is important to you, you’ll want your partner’s family and friends to respect that, just as you’ll need to respect their wishes about whether they are willing to hear about your beliefs.

The Bible tells us that love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (I Corinthians 13:7). God’s love is unconditional, seeking to serve the other. That’s the kind of love you want to give as well as receive when choosing a life partner. Here’s a good test: Would you expect your Jewish partner to become a Christian as a condition of being accepted by your family and friends? What if they told you that would mean abandoning their people or an essential part of their identity? In the same way, is it reasonable for someone who loves you to ask that you abandon your beliefs in Jesus your Savior in order to be accepted?

By taking a closer look at your current spiritual identity, and by thinking through your reasons for considering converting to Judaism, we hope that you will have a clearer idea of what you want and how you might best seek spiritual harmony with your Jewish partner.